When someone close to us battles mental illness, we often find ourselves in what can be called a "secondhand struggle." While we're not the ones with the diagnosis, we become deeply involved in the waiting rooms, late-night conversations, and the emotional rollercoaster that comes with supporting someone through their mental health journey.
This secondhand struggle is real, and it comes with its own set of challenges. But there are ways to provide meaningful support without losing yourself in the process.
Your presence matters more than you know. Christ comes to people through people. Your presence, your friendship, and your care aren't just nice extras—they're essential. When you show up for someone battling mental illness, you become the hands and feet of Jesus in their life.
In Luke 9, we see a powerful example of this. A father brought his son, who was suffering from what appears to be a severe mental condition, to Jesus' disciples. When they couldn't help, the father persisted and brought his son directly to Jesus, who healed him. The boy found healing through Christ's power, but he found Christ through his father's persistence. Your support may be the bridge that connects someone to the healing they desperately need.
Supporting someone with mental health challenges can feel overwhelming. Here are five practical ways to make a difference:
1. Be present. Studies show that isolation raises our level of cortisol (the stress hormone), which contributes to depression and increased anxiety attacks. The presence of a friend can be as powerful as a prescription.
You don't need to have all the answers. Sometimes, the "ministry of presence"—simply being there—is enough. By showing up, you communicate compassion and commitment. You're saying, "You're not forgotten. You're not in this alone."
2. Don't pretend to understand what you don't understand. Mental health is incredibly complex. Even after decades of research, we've barely scratched the surface of how neurology, biology, psychology, and spirituality interact.
Avoid saying things that don't help:
"Just try harder"
"Snap out of it"
"It's nothing compared to what I went through"
"Maybe you just aren't spending enough time in the Bible"
Proverbs 12 reminds us that "thoughtless people cut like swords," but "the words of the wise bring healing." Your words can be like a sword or like a scalpel—they can hurt or they can heal.
3. Create a judgment-free space. Mental illness often comes with shame—a deep sense of inadequacy. When you create a space where someone can struggle without judgment, shame loses its power. Romans 15:7 says, "Accept each other as Christ has accepted you." How did Christ accept you? Just as you were. You didn't have to clean everything up first. There's no failure He can't forgive, no weakness He doesn't have grace for.
Be a great listener and a great encourager. James 1:19 reminds us to be "quick to listen and slow to speak." Listening means letting others reveal things at their pace. Vulnerability takes time.
4. Point them back to their purpose. The opposite of depression isn't happiness—it's purpose. Every person has a purpose, even those with mental disorders. Our struggles often blind us to this reality, which is why we need friends to draw attention to our gifts and opportunities.
Redirecting attention from ourselves to the needs of others can be a powerful way to defeat despair. When we realize our life matters and has purpose, it can lessen our struggle. Call attention to what they can do, not what they can't do. Point out opportunities, not limitations.
5. Keep showing up. This is perhaps the toughest part because mental illness is messy. Progress often comes in minor increments, and it's easy to get discouraged. But as followers of Jesus, we're called to keep showing up. Historically, one of the primary reasons for the spread of Christianity was how Jesus' followers responded to sick people—they didn't flee; they stayed and cared.
Until you're close enough to the struggle, you're not close enough to make a difference. Your willingness to be present may be the catalyst that helps someone find not just comfort, but Christ Himself. You're not responsible for their healing. You're not weak if you're feeling weary in the secondhand struggle. You're not alone. So keep showing up! And when you want to give up, remember Jesus’ words… “whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me…”
